and here’s another tip:

Obey the speed limit (even when you think they aren’t watching).

and another:

If you sell an old car to a “friend”, make damn sure that “friend” actually changes the car into their name, lest you try to renew a licence on a different car and find out that you can’t because you still have some old scrap heap registered in your name.

and another:

Live in a country where you never ever have to be confronted with a note on a bureaucratic window that says “System offline. Sorry for the inconvenience.” If you MUST, then make sure the system does not go offline AFTER you have waited in a queue for an hour and are finally being “served”.

Just trust me on this.

PostScript: While you’re living legally anyway, you may as well PAY YOUR TV LICENCE. You’d think that by ignoring them they may just disappear. But no, this strategy has not worked. I’ve just been informed that if I don’t pay my outstanding amount – now with interest of course – within THIRTY DAYS (the letter was sent about twenty of those ago) I will be taken to court. (And if they convict me, will I be put in solitary confinement? Will I subsist on bread and water for 30 gruelling – pun intended – days? Will I go down in history as a hero of the people?)

As one Turkish coffee liqueur so aptly put it:


Parents, listen up. Remember to tell your kiddies that being grown-up is a bitch.