Getting what you see

So I, like many others, saw quite a lot of Bono (boh-no/bow-no/bow-now?) last night, but the Philosophe has already said what needs to be said about that. Recap: yes, we don’t all worship at the church of U2 anymore, and failed to be persuaded to do so again. My extra 2-cents are that I found the “politics” (cue Madiba et al) to be cheap emotive shots (yawn). But I guess I should have expected that.

And had I been reading more closely, I would also have been faster at solving the mystery of the mysterious dry gin essence that the Sailor brought us on his last visit. It finally dawned on me one day to actually read the label, and what it says it this:

For you non-Scandis out there, the bit underneath the helpful arrow translates as ‘mix half the contents of this bottle with one 700ml bottle of unflavoured firewater’. Firewater is of course any native version of aqua vitae, or water of life, which if you’re in Ireland means whiskey/Scotland whisky, France eau de vie, and in the Viking countries, akvavit, aka snaps. So there I was thinking this stuff might be for those responsible people who want a virgin [sic] G&T, and instead it is for making juniper-flavoured snaps. I have faith in my people once again. Skål!

And as for the evil-sounding tar syrup:

Skip the weird Finnish, and you’ll see that it’s good for desserts, cakes, roasting, berry (??) etc. Well I had the great idea of adding some liquid smoke to chocolate fondants recently, to be served with marmalade ice cream for a most unusual dessert. I made the ice cream base first, and finding it lacked sweetness, decided to add some tar syrup. The smoky aroma when I opened the bottle was just heavenly, so I was perhaps a bit heavy-handed with the stuff. Thankfully I did not, in the end, also add smoke to the fondants, because the ice cream was almost inedibly smoky. I never thought anything could be too smoky. But consider yourself warned. Those Finns don’t fuck around.

And to end on the opposite flavour extreme, I can’t wait to try this new improved soda water:

Is it improved simply because there’s 35% more of it, I wonder? Imagine, thirty-five per cent more water, for the same price! It’s like a goddamn homeopathic orgy, with bubbles!

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