OK

Contemplation time is over. The new year looms like a giant Monday.

In less than two months time I’ll be travelling to Albuquerque, New Mexico for a four day conference on popular culture (they say: “if it isn’t popular, it isn’t culture”. Hmm). Got my hotel room booked, got the fancy shoes (to make me look grown-up. If I can walk in them, that is). Got a pretty good idea of what I want to say, but this still needs to be word-processed.

Since I haven’t yet travelled to (fanatically) terrorist-paranoid countries, I thought I should check out the new regulations on what kind of stuff I can pack in my hand luggage. I went to TSA (that’s Transportation Security Administration) and found the following:

“All liquids, gels and aerosols must be in three-ounce or smaller containers. Larger containers that are half-full or toothpaste tubes rolled up are not allowed. Each container must be three ounces or smaller.”

Question: if I buy new toothpaste for the trip and don’t finish it over there, does that mean I can’t bring it home again??

Next bit of interest:
“Items used to augment the body for medical or cosmetic reasons such as mastectomy products, prosthetic breasts, bras or shells containing gels, saline solution, or other liquids” ARE ALLOWED, with NO limitations.

This means Pamela Anderson can bring her boobs and a couple of spares with her when she travels. Lucky her.

I can also bring – onboard, in my handluggage – a corkscrew and a cigar-cutter and knitting needles and a nail file. But no knives!! I may, in addition, bring toy weapons with me to play with during the flight and (this is a relief) I can keep my gel-filled bra on as I pass through the security check. I’ll have to check in my meat cleaver and swords, though, and leave my teargas at home all together.

Good thing that’s all sorted.

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