I hate Christmas. It makes me act crazy.
I have, in the last week:
1. Bought more things than I can afford;
2. Bought more things than the people they are destined for need;
3. Been to the beach;
4. Played catch-ball on the beach;
5. Seen more greedy, grabbing, grubbing shoppers than I need for a lifetime;
6. Almost suffocated from driving around underground parking lots (thinking it would save time) that don’t declare they are FULL before letting you in;
7. Acquired one of those silly asymmetrical tans where only my right arm is dark brown from sitting in (overground) traffic;
8. Not had enough champagne to compensate for the above.
Look, I can’t even write in paragraphs anymore.
The turkey better be damn good. And there better be lots of champagne. Otherwise I quit.